So Literally Alive in Christ

For a really long time I have been praying for the gospel to become really real to me. Yes, I believe that Christ died for my sins and rose from the dead, but I don't always act like that, and honestly, sometimes I forget it, it lacks meaning in my life sometimes. So I have been asking the Lord to make it real in my life. And this past week He did. He opened my eyes to something that He had done in my life that I had never recognized before. 
My struggles with depression have been long and painful. For almost two years now I have been in a relentless battle with my own mind. The enemy has filled me up with constant reminders that I am unlovable and useless, a burden that everyone around me must carry. I have spent many days alone in my room with a tear stained face, desperately needing help and comfort, but feeling that my need for other people would only serve to inconvenience them. 
Some of those days were particularly hard. It felt like a crowd was constantly screaming at me that I was the worst human, that I could never amount to anything, and that if I tried to get help from anyone that they would resent me for burdening them. On these days it felt like the only way to get the pain to stop was to end my life or to focus on a physical pain that could distract me from the mental ones. 
On those truly dark days, there was one thought I could hold onto. Even in the midst of all of my doubt about the Lord, this one thought kept me going "if there is even a chance that the gospel is true, and if there is even a chance that God loves me, then maybe He really does have a plan for my life, and maybe I can hold on for just a little bit longer. 
And I did, I held on tight to that one thought for months, and the Lord did have a plan for me, and that plan was city project. 
From the first day I knew that I was in a better place. People around me were constantly talking about the gospel, and I have been immersed in constant reminders that I am so very loved by the King. 
This past Tuesday, the Lord opened my eyes to just how close I had come to spiraling into that pit, but that those thoughts that I had held onto were from Him. I am literally so alive in Christ. It is by the grace of God that I do not have scars on my wrists and it is by the grace of God that I am breathing today. He has been so relentless in His love for me, even when I felt so unlovable. It is truly His breath in my lungs so I will pour out my praise to Him. 

In Psalm 34 it says 
Is anyone crying for help? God is listening,
ready to rescue you. If your heart is broken, you’ll find God right there; He will help you catch your breath. 

You are so very loved by the King, and you are not a burden to anyone. You don't have to hurt anymore, the Lord wants to help you. He wants so badly to save you from the pit and fill you up with joy.