Daily Bread

I have been learning a lot this week how much I need to trust in the Lord on a truly daily basis.
These past two weeks have been really hard. I have been so exhausted and so overwhelmed. When the halfway point in Durham hit, I was taken over by a sense of urgency in the worst of ways. I felt like I had been in this place forever, in this darn hotel for as long as I could remember. Everything seemed so endless, how could we be only halfway?? It struck me just how long the summer was really going to be. My heart ached for Columbia and for my friends. I truly feel like I understand what Paul was talking about in Philippians when he says that he is longing to see those that live in Philippi, he says that his heart aches to see them. I was so emotionally, physically, and spiritually tired. And that meant a lot of tears. I cried when I was angry (which was a lot), when I was frustrated (which was even more), and when I felt either too overwhelmed with people or really lonely (which is all the time).
I began praying everyday that the Lord would give me strength for that day and reminders of His love and His promises for me to hold onto. They fell like mana from heaven. He would fill me up after my prayer, and the days would still be hard, but the Lord provided constant reminders of the love that He has poured out for me on the cross and of the plan that He has for my life and of my future as a permanent citizen of His presence in heaven. But, much like the mana for the Israelites, He would only give me enough for the day. It felt like a switch would flip as soon as my head hit the pillow at night, my worries about the future and about this summer would flood me again. The next day I would pray again for strength and the Lord would grant it, but only enough for that day.
It occurred to me that if I wanted strength for the day, I would have to gain it from the Lord, and that meant that I need to see Him every morning to fill me back up again. The days when I didn't make it were really difficult. Not that the Lord wanted to punish me for not visiting Him that day, but if I didn't visit Him in the morning, it was a lot more difficult to remember what His promises had been.
The Lord has been my daily bread these past two weeks. It has been really difficult in the mornings before seeing Him, I get really frustrated with my roommates and with my friends. This morning I woke up absolutely distraught over the fact that my boyfriend didn't like a picture of us that I had posted. "Does that mean that he doesn't like what I posted? What if he felt that that was inappropriate? It's just a picture of us? Why Wouldn't he like it? Does he not like me??" What ridiculous, immature, hopeless thoughts run through my mind without the reminders of the promises of the Lord. After asking the Lord for His daily provision f bread for me, my thoughts rested more on the love that He has poured over me and how faithful He has been this summer to provide for my needs. We do not serve a Master who doesn't know our needs or who wants to punish us for the bad things that we do. We, instead, have a loving Father who has laid out a beautiful plan for us, who knows our hurts and our needs so intimately, and He wants to provide for us everything that we need, but we have to go to Him each day and ask for it. His promises are only helpful when we know that they are coming from Him and when we know the heart of the One who gives freely to all who ask.