As Christians, we say the phrase "find your identity in Christ" all the time. But since you first heard that, how much have you really thought about what that actually means? What does it mean to find your identity in anything? Well, how do you think about who you are? What do you think when you think about you? Is it how many likes you got on your last Instagram post? Or what that girl said about your hair last week? (I always wonder when I read things like this, "Is she pulling examples from her real life? Or just making things up that people will relate to?" It's the former, sadly enough. While I'm writing this and thinking about where my identity lies, I had to push my hair out of my face so that I could see to type, and I realized that I only straightened it this morning because of a comment that my suite mate said the other day. I made an active choice to change my hair from the way that God created it (Hella Curly) to straight, and lost 20 minutes of precious, precious sleep in the process.)
A friend told me an analogy once in reference to identity that I really love:
"When you look at yourself the way that the world looks at you, it is like looking into a broken and dirty mirror. The world is sinful and is not gong to create an accurate reflection of who you really are. But when you look at yourself the way that God looks at you, it is like looking into a brand new, perfectly clean mirror, and is a perfect representation of who you really are." So, how does God see you? What does He see when He looks at you?
He sees that you are all beautiful and that there is no flaw in you (Song of Solomon 4:7).
He sees you as one fearfully and wonderfully made (by Him) (Psalm 139 that's from verse 14, but really just frickin all of it).
He sees you as His own, dearly beloved and chosen by Him (Colossians 3:12).
He sees all of the worst parts of you and still says that He loves you and wants to be near you. And that should point you to the cross. When you think of you, you should think of how He loves you so much that while you were still fighting against Him, He saw you are important enough to send His Son to die a brutal death on the cross so that you can spend eternity with Him.
That is what it means to find your identity in Christ.
Monday, November 30, 2015
College
Five months ago I moved into my dorm room for the first time, but honestly it feels like I've already spent so much longer here. It has been amazing, and I fall more in love with this place everyday that I'm here. I just want to do something more for myself than for anyone reading this (which, let's face it, is the only reason I write this anyway). So, this is just a letter to myself right before move in day.
Oh Emily,
You are so worried about so many things. You think everyday about everything that could go wrong. You're worried about not knowing what to do, about trying to make new friends, and about loosing your old friends. Just take a deep breath, it is all going to be alright.
You will be amazed at how quickly you will grow close to some wonderful friends, and how you will recreate old ones. You'll love your roommate more than you could possibly expect now. It won't take even a week for this place to feel like home. You'll meet some weird people and some great ones.
You'll loose your voice cheering on the Gamecocks and you'll eat away your feelings the first time that they lose. You'll find the perfect dress for game day, and you'll jump and cheer until you can't feel your feet. And you don't regret choosing this for one moment. This wonderful, beautiful, fantastic world you have found has become home, and you wouldn't have it any other way. You'll mess up a few times, and you might even get your heart broken, but nothing is too big to stand in your way. Stop worrying and remember that God has brought you here for a reason. Take some deep breaths and finish packing. Everything will be ok.
Stop worrying about losing your friends. No, you don't facetime one a week, but Meghan sends you random buzzed quizzes once a week, and the first time you see Rachel and Molly again it's like you all never left, except for the fun new stories that you have to share with each other. Don't worry about Nick and Matthew, they are going to be fine. This separation actually brings you closer together and now you tell them everything. You even help them through a few weird situations too. Stop worrying and start praying, that's the only thing you can do. So, respira.
With hope and love and joy,
Emily, One Semester Down
Oh Emily,
You are so worried about so many things. You think everyday about everything that could go wrong. You're worried about not knowing what to do, about trying to make new friends, and about loosing your old friends. Just take a deep breath, it is all going to be alright.
You will be amazed at how quickly you will grow close to some wonderful friends, and how you will recreate old ones. You'll love your roommate more than you could possibly expect now. It won't take even a week for this place to feel like home. You'll meet some weird people and some great ones.
You'll loose your voice cheering on the Gamecocks and you'll eat away your feelings the first time that they lose. You'll find the perfect dress for game day, and you'll jump and cheer until you can't feel your feet. And you don't regret choosing this for one moment. This wonderful, beautiful, fantastic world you have found has become home, and you wouldn't have it any other way. You'll mess up a few times, and you might even get your heart broken, but nothing is too big to stand in your way. Stop worrying and remember that God has brought you here for a reason. Take some deep breaths and finish packing. Everything will be ok.
Stop worrying about losing your friends. No, you don't facetime one a week, but Meghan sends you random buzzed quizzes once a week, and the first time you see Rachel and Molly again it's like you all never left, except for the fun new stories that you have to share with each other. Don't worry about Nick and Matthew, they are going to be fine. This separation actually brings you closer together and now you tell them everything. You even help them through a few weird situations too. Stop worrying and start praying, that's the only thing you can do. So, respira.
With hope and love and joy,
Emily, One Semester Down
Tuesday, April 14, 2015
Fellowship
I have been thinking a lot about this word lately. It's a really wonderful concept, just spending time with people who share a similar interest. This can be anything, but it is so much cooler when that similar interest is God. The cool part about making new friends at events like Passion and on missions trips is that you meet them and you very first connection is something that is at the root of your being. When you begin a friendship with people starting out with the idea that you are there for God and not for yourself, you are able to make deep connections instantly, and it provides a basis for the best friendships.
I'm experiencing the coolest thing this week that reminds me of what the Church is meant to be. After getting back from this trip to Peru, nearly all 100 of the students who went on the trip are in a group message together, and it is a constant flow of love and encouragement, just last night we were up until almost 2 am talking about our favorite Bible verses. It is an absolutely amazing experience. One of the most difficult parts of coming home from a missions trip is that you get used to this way of life that is missions and you pour out God's love constantly on the trip, but that's ok because you are surrounded by people who are constantly filling you up and encouraging you. But then when you get home, you try to continue living the same way, but now you don't have that constant pouring in to match your pouring out. So, this message that it a constant flow of encouragement has made theses first days back into normal life so much easier. We still have people who think were are crazy for our love for Christ, and it still breaks our hearts to see the lost missing out, but now we have a place to go for encouragement and accountability. It is the most wonderful thing.
I have been thinking a lot recently about the joy the comes from fellowship with believers. I feel like the people I am around day to day drain me of all my energy, but when I am around strong believers, I am filled up with energy and joy. And I think that that makes perfect sense. We are meant to be poured out as much as we can when we are surrounded by the lost, but then we go back to believers to find a new joy and new life, not that these things are coming from the people, but from their connection with God, He provides the source and they then turn it over to you. The even more beautiful thing about that is that believers who are mutually drained can strengthen and encourage each other, because it all flows from God.
I think that we severely miss the idea of the Church when try to confine it to a time and a place. The Church is not the place that we meet on Sunday morning. The Church is the body of believers who encourage each other on a daily basis. If you experience something like that (like my group message) and you begin to read Paul's letters to the churches, then you really feel like he could be writing directly to your group. You get a new understanding of what he is saying to the churches. It makes so much sense!
I'm experiencing the coolest thing this week that reminds me of what the Church is meant to be. After getting back from this trip to Peru, nearly all 100 of the students who went on the trip are in a group message together, and it is a constant flow of love and encouragement, just last night we were up until almost 2 am talking about our favorite Bible verses. It is an absolutely amazing experience. One of the most difficult parts of coming home from a missions trip is that you get used to this way of life that is missions and you pour out God's love constantly on the trip, but that's ok because you are surrounded by people who are constantly filling you up and encouraging you. But then when you get home, you try to continue living the same way, but now you don't have that constant pouring in to match your pouring out. So, this message that it a constant flow of encouragement has made theses first days back into normal life so much easier. We still have people who think were are crazy for our love for Christ, and it still breaks our hearts to see the lost missing out, but now we have a place to go for encouragement and accountability. It is the most wonderful thing.
I have been thinking a lot recently about the joy the comes from fellowship with believers. I feel like the people I am around day to day drain me of all my energy, but when I am around strong believers, I am filled up with energy and joy. And I think that that makes perfect sense. We are meant to be poured out as much as we can when we are surrounded by the lost, but then we go back to believers to find a new joy and new life, not that these things are coming from the people, but from their connection with God, He provides the source and they then turn it over to you. The even more beautiful thing about that is that believers who are mutually drained can strengthen and encourage each other, because it all flows from God.
I think that we severely miss the idea of the Church when try to confine it to a time and a place. The Church is not the place that we meet on Sunday morning. The Church is the body of believers who encourage each other on a daily basis. If you experience something like that (like my group message) and you begin to read Paul's letters to the churches, then you really feel like he could be writing directly to your group. You get a new understanding of what he is saying to the churches. It makes so much sense!
Saturday, April 11, 2015
Music
I really love music, and I feel that it is one of the ways that God continues to speak to us. At the times when I am feeling really close to God, my time in worship always seems to be a conversation, I will saying something to Him and He will answer with the song. So, at any given time, I usually have some song that has been on my mind recently that has been my main prayer or praise or reminder. Right now, it is Good Father, but recently, these songs have been really clearly outlining my past year and I just want to walk through that.
About this time last year, my prayer was "Oceans" that God would lead me to a place where my trust is without borders, that He would call me deeper than I would ever go on my own. This prayer was answered recently when all of my college decisions happened, and I ended up choosing to go to the University of South Carolina next year. The cool thing about choosing USC over Tech is that at Tech I think I would have had my one comfortable way of doing things and I wouldn't be open to following Him beyond my borders. I already knew which sorority I wanted to be in, who I wanted to be friends with, and where I would want to buy ice cream. And because of these things I would have set up the boundaries of my life and not wanted to reach past them. But with going to USC, everything will be new, I won't have anyway to have borders of my life already set up, so the Spirit really is leading me to where my trust can be borderless and I can spend time letting my faith grow stronger. This song has turned from a prayer that God will act to a praise because I have seen Him be faithful to act.
Another song that Has made a similar move from prayer to praise is "Whom Shall I Fear?". The bridge of this song was my prayer of a while when I was completely unsure of what God's plan for my next year looked like. It says "Nothing formed against me shall stand, You hold the whole world in Your hands, and I'm holding on to Your promises, You are faithful." I was desperately holding on to God's promise of a plan for my life, and that He works all things to the good of those who love Him. With His timing on all of my college decisions, instead of feeling downcast and rejected about going to South Carolina, He gave me the time from January to March to fall in love with the school until it really did become my first choice. Now these lyrics are my praise that God is faithful and that I can hold on to His promises because He fulfills them.
This brings us to "Good Father". It doesn't matter how many times I hear this song, it never grows old. It even frequently has something new for me to discover. I love how simply it tells the relationship and identity of God and ourselves: He is the Good Father, and we are loved by Him. I am one loved by the Good Father. That's exactly it. That's our God. Clearly there is so much more to it than that, but at its absolute most basic, that is what it is. Most recently, the very last verse of this song has been stuck in my head. "Love so undeniable I can hardly speak, peace so unexplainable I can hardly think, yet You call me deeper still into love." God has shown me His love in really sound and sure ways and given me a peace that doesn't even make sense. But even with all of this, He is continuing to call me deeper, and that is just beyond belief.
About this time last year, my prayer was "Oceans" that God would lead me to a place where my trust is without borders, that He would call me deeper than I would ever go on my own. This prayer was answered recently when all of my college decisions happened, and I ended up choosing to go to the University of South Carolina next year. The cool thing about choosing USC over Tech is that at Tech I think I would have had my one comfortable way of doing things and I wouldn't be open to following Him beyond my borders. I already knew which sorority I wanted to be in, who I wanted to be friends with, and where I would want to buy ice cream. And because of these things I would have set up the boundaries of my life and not wanted to reach past them. But with going to USC, everything will be new, I won't have anyway to have borders of my life already set up, so the Spirit really is leading me to where my trust can be borderless and I can spend time letting my faith grow stronger. This song has turned from a prayer that God will act to a praise because I have seen Him be faithful to act.
Another song that Has made a similar move from prayer to praise is "Whom Shall I Fear?". The bridge of this song was my prayer of a while when I was completely unsure of what God's plan for my next year looked like. It says "Nothing formed against me shall stand, You hold the whole world in Your hands, and I'm holding on to Your promises, You are faithful." I was desperately holding on to God's promise of a plan for my life, and that He works all things to the good of those who love Him. With His timing on all of my college decisions, instead of feeling downcast and rejected about going to South Carolina, He gave me the time from January to March to fall in love with the school until it really did become my first choice. Now these lyrics are my praise that God is faithful and that I can hold on to His promises because He fulfills them.
This brings us to "Good Father". It doesn't matter how many times I hear this song, it never grows old. It even frequently has something new for me to discover. I love how simply it tells the relationship and identity of God and ourselves: He is the Good Father, and we are loved by Him. I am one loved by the Good Father. That's exactly it. That's our God. Clearly there is so much more to it than that, but at its absolute most basic, that is what it is. Most recently, the very last verse of this song has been stuck in my head. "Love so undeniable I can hardly speak, peace so unexplainable I can hardly think, yet You call me deeper still into love." God has shown me His love in really sound and sure ways and given me a peace that doesn't even make sense. But even with all of this, He is continuing to call me deeper, and that is just beyond belief.
Love Does (Days: Wednesday and Thursday)
(Again, read the other two posts first.)
Wednesday we were able to speak on a radio station to people all over that part of Peru, and share some of our favorite verses and worship songs, as well as a presentation of the gospel, and answer questions from those that called in. Though it lacked the relational quality that I prefer, it was really cool to know that thousands of people were hearing the gospel through us. Wednesday afternoon at VBS was when I really began to notice myself needing to rely on God's strength more and more, and He provided just what I needed for the day, no more, no less.
Wednesday night we went into the central shopping area of a town and set up a sound system and drew people in with some crazy guys preforming a dance to a One Direction song, it's so crazy to me what God can use to bring people close enough to hear about Him. We then showed the story of Christ using two different skits and from the speaking of Thomas. After the program was over, we all split up into small groups and began talking to people who had seen the program, it was really cool to see how quickly God could work in someone and cause them to ask questions and to give us the answers to them.
Thursday was our last day of ministry, and we were scheduled to spend the morning doing some games and sharing testimonies at a high school that they had been working with all week, but for some reason the principal decided that he did not want us to come in that day because of the exams some students had to take. Though we were disappointed one of the translators said that there was a school right down the road that might let us come in and share, and because of our delay at the planned school, we arrived at the other school just in time to be able to go in during their lunch time and share with them. My friend Riley and I got to speak to two girls who were clearly very interested in the life changing stories that they had heard. It was one of those times where it was clearly the Holy Spirit working because we never would have been able to do it on our own. The group as a whole was only equipped with four translators who had all already been claimed by other groups of students. So, Riley and I had a person from the local church with us who understood a little bit of English, and was some how able to understand what we were struggling to say in spanish and tell it to the girls we were talking to, I am still not really sure how it happened, but it was amazing and we left the girls with some ways to answer their many questions about God's love.
The entire week God worked through us to advance His kingdom in major ways. And He has chosen you and I to be His ambassadors in all of the world, even here where it seems that people wouldn't be able to not hear the gospel, they still need Jesus.
Wednesday we were able to speak on a radio station to people all over that part of Peru, and share some of our favorite verses and worship songs, as well as a presentation of the gospel, and answer questions from those that called in. Though it lacked the relational quality that I prefer, it was really cool to know that thousands of people were hearing the gospel through us. Wednesday afternoon at VBS was when I really began to notice myself needing to rely on God's strength more and more, and He provided just what I needed for the day, no more, no less.
Wednesday night we went into the central shopping area of a town and set up a sound system and drew people in with some crazy guys preforming a dance to a One Direction song, it's so crazy to me what God can use to bring people close enough to hear about Him. We then showed the story of Christ using two different skits and from the speaking of Thomas. After the program was over, we all split up into small groups and began talking to people who had seen the program, it was really cool to see how quickly God could work in someone and cause them to ask questions and to give us the answers to them.
Thursday was our last day of ministry, and we were scheduled to spend the morning doing some games and sharing testimonies at a high school that they had been working with all week, but for some reason the principal decided that he did not want us to come in that day because of the exams some students had to take. Though we were disappointed one of the translators said that there was a school right down the road that might let us come in and share, and because of our delay at the planned school, we arrived at the other school just in time to be able to go in during their lunch time and share with them. My friend Riley and I got to speak to two girls who were clearly very interested in the life changing stories that they had heard. It was one of those times where it was clearly the Holy Spirit working because we never would have been able to do it on our own. The group as a whole was only equipped with four translators who had all already been claimed by other groups of students. So, Riley and I had a person from the local church with us who understood a little bit of English, and was some how able to understand what we were struggling to say in spanish and tell it to the girls we were talking to, I am still not really sure how it happened, but it was amazing and we left the girls with some ways to answer their many questions about God's love.
The entire week God worked through us to advance His kingdom in major ways. And He has chosen you and I to be His ambassadors in all of the world, even here where it seems that people wouldn't be able to not hear the gospel, they still need Jesus.
Love Does (Days: Tuesday)
(If you haven't read it, read the Saturday, Sunday, Monday post before this one.)
Tuesday was a full day of evangelism. This normally doesn't work out this way, but my family group was assigned both Home Visits (visiting the homes of Christians already in the Churches we are working with or people who have come to the church before but stopped going for some reason, with the pastor of the church after having made appointments to meet with them before that day. (that sentence doesn't make sense but I have slept for about 10% of the time that has passed since Thursday morning.)) and Door to Door Evangelism (random people in the community who we go and just knock on the door of their house and then start talking to them about why these white people are in Peru blasting Christian music and playing with children at the church.This usually ends with a presentation of the gospel.) In past years when I have been to the Dominican Republic, I and others have usually been the least excited about the day with evangelism like this, because it is generally difficult and awkward to just strike up a conversation with someone right outside their house about who God is and why we want them to know His love. So, a full day of this had me worried, but after getting a little bit of awkward out of the way with the first of our home visits in the morning, my family group got really comfortable with just talking to people. the second house we went to in the morning was a family of clearly strong and solid believers. When we walked in the woman who lived there was so excited to have us their and to share her story of salvation with us. She told us how when her son was only 18 months old, he accidentally drank some gasoline, and was very sick for about a month. The doctors did the little they could and then just sent him home. From there he was in a coma like state for a month and on the times when he did come to, refused food and did very little. During this time, the woman had heard of some missionaries who had come and were having an event near the community, so she and her husband went to that and both accepted Christ there and spent some time praying for their son. When they arrived home afterwards, they heard crying from the room with their son in it, and went to find him awake and begging for food, his healing was truly a miracle of God and he is now 15 years old and perfectly healthy. She talked about how that started her complete trust in the Lord to take care of her and her family. I think we sometimes forget that god does things like that here at home, we are so used to the doctors telling us what's wrong and their ability to fix it, but God works some amazing healing miracles all the time. (Another cool thing about this family: the mom had a dream the night before that God was going to be sending someone to visit her, and she had no idea we would be coming.) It's funny how we go to these things thinking that we are going to encourage the Peruvians, but they end up encouraging us.
That afternoon, we were given 2 hours to do door to door evangelism, and we were told that we would probably get to 5 houses to share, but God had bigger plans. The first door we knocked on was a woman and her neighbor just spending some time together. We began talking and we asked her if she attend a local Church, her reply opener up a major door for us to share with her. She said that she had gone to church for a little while, but when she had tried to attend consistently, she had had these terrible dreams about serpents that scared her away from going to church. We spent the next hour explaining to her that this was clearly satan trying to keep her from a relationship with the Lord, and that if she would put her trust in the Lord she could call on Him anytime for protection from such dreams. She and her neighbor decided to give their lives to the Lord right there. We then we to the house of a man who had lost his leg in an accident, but had found comfort and strength in the Lord, and when we asked him what we could pray for, he did no ask for less pain or anything for himself, but instead asked that we would pray that his family could find the Love of Christ that he had found. We then got to share the gospel with his grandson who was home with him, and he accepted Christ. God's love, once it's found, changes our hearts in a way that we want everyone to be able to experience.
Tuesday was a full day of evangelism. This normally doesn't work out this way, but my family group was assigned both Home Visits (visiting the homes of Christians already in the Churches we are working with or people who have come to the church before but stopped going for some reason, with the pastor of the church after having made appointments to meet with them before that day. (that sentence doesn't make sense but I have slept for about 10% of the time that has passed since Thursday morning.)) and Door to Door Evangelism (random people in the community who we go and just knock on the door of their house and then start talking to them about why these white people are in Peru blasting Christian music and playing with children at the church.This usually ends with a presentation of the gospel.) In past years when I have been to the Dominican Republic, I and others have usually been the least excited about the day with evangelism like this, because it is generally difficult and awkward to just strike up a conversation with someone right outside their house about who God is and why we want them to know His love. So, a full day of this had me worried, but after getting a little bit of awkward out of the way with the first of our home visits in the morning, my family group got really comfortable with just talking to people. the second house we went to in the morning was a family of clearly strong and solid believers. When we walked in the woman who lived there was so excited to have us their and to share her story of salvation with us. She told us how when her son was only 18 months old, he accidentally drank some gasoline, and was very sick for about a month. The doctors did the little they could and then just sent him home. From there he was in a coma like state for a month and on the times when he did come to, refused food and did very little. During this time, the woman had heard of some missionaries who had come and were having an event near the community, so she and her husband went to that and both accepted Christ there and spent some time praying for their son. When they arrived home afterwards, they heard crying from the room with their son in it, and went to find him awake and begging for food, his healing was truly a miracle of God and he is now 15 years old and perfectly healthy. She talked about how that started her complete trust in the Lord to take care of her and her family. I think we sometimes forget that god does things like that here at home, we are so used to the doctors telling us what's wrong and their ability to fix it, but God works some amazing healing miracles all the time. (Another cool thing about this family: the mom had a dream the night before that God was going to be sending someone to visit her, and she had no idea we would be coming.) It's funny how we go to these things thinking that we are going to encourage the Peruvians, but they end up encouraging us.
That afternoon, we were given 2 hours to do door to door evangelism, and we were told that we would probably get to 5 houses to share, but God had bigger plans. The first door we knocked on was a woman and her neighbor just spending some time together. We began talking and we asked her if she attend a local Church, her reply opener up a major door for us to share with her. She said that she had gone to church for a little while, but when she had tried to attend consistently, she had had these terrible dreams about serpents that scared her away from going to church. We spent the next hour explaining to her that this was clearly satan trying to keep her from a relationship with the Lord, and that if she would put her trust in the Lord she could call on Him anytime for protection from such dreams. She and her neighbor decided to give their lives to the Lord right there. We then we to the house of a man who had lost his leg in an accident, but had found comfort and strength in the Lord, and when we asked him what we could pray for, he did no ask for less pain or anything for himself, but instead asked that we would pray that his family could find the Love of Christ that he had found. We then got to share the gospel with his grandson who was home with him, and he accepted Christ. God's love, once it's found, changes our hearts in a way that we want everyone to be able to experience.
Love Does (Days: Saturday, Sunday, and Monday)
Where to even begin? I just arrived home from what was probably the most amazing trip I have ever been on. One week in Peru was marked by God's capability to immediately answer prayers and to set heaven on the hearts of men. (If you haven't actually heard me talk about it yet, I spent my spring break on a mission trip with 100 high school seniors in Peru.)
If you will note, this post has the extra label of "days: Saturday, Sunday, and Monday" because I could not decide if the best way to talk about this would be to walk through the day by day impact we had on Peru, or the person by person impact on me, so I chose both.
On Saturday, April 4, 2015, we arrived at the church to leave for Peru, even from the first day, everyone was incredibly excited to be going to share this love that we have been shown. After a long flight and a drive, we finally made it to the convent where we were staying at about 3:00 am sunday morning. Then, with a few short hours of sleep for the night, I was awoken by an army of birds creating a tremendous noise that echoed around the marble complex. There was no better way to have woken up that morning, and I even recorded the morning song of the birds later in the week to use as my alarm. We spent Easter Sunday morning on a mountain/cliffside having a time of worship and preparation for the week, and of course taking pictures. We then headed to Santa Clara where we gathered some people with loud pop music and some incredible boy band type dancing, and shared the gospel using both a wordless skit (The Everything Skit, if you haven't seen it, please look it up, it is a wonderful representation of the gospel that transcends language barriers.) and the giving of testimonies and our college minister, Thomas, speaking. If you have never seen or experienced spiritual warfare, in my experience it is unmistakable on trips like this because it is so specific, I would go into my ideas about the difference between spiritual warfare in different places, but this is already going to be a really long post. Satan tried to do everything he could to stop the gospel from begin shared that day, but the Lord overcame and His love was shown. Everything was fine until we moved to the sharing part of the afternoon, and all of the sudden, speakers didn't work the way they were supposed to, it began to rain, and it felt like everything that could go wrong did. But, to me, when these things happen and the gospel still gets shared, it is really exciting, because Satan would not waste his time keeping the gospel from people who aren't going to do something with it. All that to say, on Sunday afternoon, as I sat there praying for people to be focused on the message being shared and not the dogs barking, or the rain starting, or the static on the speakers, God was working in someone's heart through the message shared. And He worked the whole week answering prayers with just the right timing.
On monday, we started out going to a hospital to speak and share with people in the waiting areas (I don't say "waiting rooms", because they weren't rooms, it was just a space outside where there were chairs and some shade). As it always does on the first day of a trip like this, things started out a little bit awkward, you have to remember to stop every few words to let the translator translate, and all the while, you are trying to remember and piece together all of the things you have been preparing the past few months. The funny thing about Peru is that the people at the very least don't mind speaking with you, and many of them really want to talk to you and get to know your life. So, we walked around the hospital asking people what they needed prayer for and talking to them about the awesome love and peace and healing that is found in Christ. The very first group of people that we spoke to was a family waiting to hear the news about the treatment of this man's (Juan) newborn child's Jaundice. If you don't know, Jaundice is simply the discoloring of a newborn's skin that is pretty common in babies, and is very easily treatable... in the United States. However, this Peruvian family was legitimately worrying about if this child would make it or have brain damage (that is possible with untreated Jaundice). We explained to them that God is the ultimate healer and comforter, and that He knows exactly what He wants for this new baby. We shared some comforting verses and prayed over them and the baby. We then spent the small remainder of the time just walking around from place to place sharing with people and praying over them. As we went to get back onto the bus to go to our vacation Bible school church, my friend Davis was explaining to me how he had been talking to a woman who had asked him why if she was a Christian and a good person, why would he be sick? He was in the middle of explaining when she was called back to be seen by a doctor. We sat down on the bus and all of the sudden, there was a commotion up front and there was the woman he had been talking to, and she had just received some news about a mental health issue that she did not think she had. So, we all filed off of the bus and put our hands on her shoulders and prayed over her health. Though we were then rushed off because we needed to get to our next stop, we got the chance to pray over her and offer her some encouragement. We probably won't get to see what happens to that woman now, based on how we saw God work the rest of the week, I know that our prayers were heard and answered by the Healer of all infirmities.
That afternoon we spent time with some kids in a place called Hiuycan, just showing them love and starting relationships to build on throughout the week.
If you will note, this post has the extra label of "days: Saturday, Sunday, and Monday" because I could not decide if the best way to talk about this would be to walk through the day by day impact we had on Peru, or the person by person impact on me, so I chose both.
On Saturday, April 4, 2015, we arrived at the church to leave for Peru, even from the first day, everyone was incredibly excited to be going to share this love that we have been shown. After a long flight and a drive, we finally made it to the convent where we were staying at about 3:00 am sunday morning. Then, with a few short hours of sleep for the night, I was awoken by an army of birds creating a tremendous noise that echoed around the marble complex. There was no better way to have woken up that morning, and I even recorded the morning song of the birds later in the week to use as my alarm. We spent Easter Sunday morning on a mountain/cliffside having a time of worship and preparation for the week, and of course taking pictures. We then headed to Santa Clara where we gathered some people with loud pop music and some incredible boy band type dancing, and shared the gospel using both a wordless skit (The Everything Skit, if you haven't seen it, please look it up, it is a wonderful representation of the gospel that transcends language barriers.) and the giving of testimonies and our college minister, Thomas, speaking. If you have never seen or experienced spiritual warfare, in my experience it is unmistakable on trips like this because it is so specific, I would go into my ideas about the difference between spiritual warfare in different places, but this is already going to be a really long post. Satan tried to do everything he could to stop the gospel from begin shared that day, but the Lord overcame and His love was shown. Everything was fine until we moved to the sharing part of the afternoon, and all of the sudden, speakers didn't work the way they were supposed to, it began to rain, and it felt like everything that could go wrong did. But, to me, when these things happen and the gospel still gets shared, it is really exciting, because Satan would not waste his time keeping the gospel from people who aren't going to do something with it. All that to say, on Sunday afternoon, as I sat there praying for people to be focused on the message being shared and not the dogs barking, or the rain starting, or the static on the speakers, God was working in someone's heart through the message shared. And He worked the whole week answering prayers with just the right timing.
On monday, we started out going to a hospital to speak and share with people in the waiting areas (I don't say "waiting rooms", because they weren't rooms, it was just a space outside where there were chairs and some shade). As it always does on the first day of a trip like this, things started out a little bit awkward, you have to remember to stop every few words to let the translator translate, and all the while, you are trying to remember and piece together all of the things you have been preparing the past few months. The funny thing about Peru is that the people at the very least don't mind speaking with you, and many of them really want to talk to you and get to know your life. So, we walked around the hospital asking people what they needed prayer for and talking to them about the awesome love and peace and healing that is found in Christ. The very first group of people that we spoke to was a family waiting to hear the news about the treatment of this man's (Juan) newborn child's Jaundice. If you don't know, Jaundice is simply the discoloring of a newborn's skin that is pretty common in babies, and is very easily treatable... in the United States. However, this Peruvian family was legitimately worrying about if this child would make it or have brain damage (that is possible with untreated Jaundice). We explained to them that God is the ultimate healer and comforter, and that He knows exactly what He wants for this new baby. We shared some comforting verses and prayed over them and the baby. We then spent the small remainder of the time just walking around from place to place sharing with people and praying over them. As we went to get back onto the bus to go to our vacation Bible school church, my friend Davis was explaining to me how he had been talking to a woman who had asked him why if she was a Christian and a good person, why would he be sick? He was in the middle of explaining when she was called back to be seen by a doctor. We sat down on the bus and all of the sudden, there was a commotion up front and there was the woman he had been talking to, and she had just received some news about a mental health issue that she did not think she had. So, we all filed off of the bus and put our hands on her shoulders and prayed over her health. Though we were then rushed off because we needed to get to our next stop, we got the chance to pray over her and offer her some encouragement. We probably won't get to see what happens to that woman now, based on how we saw God work the rest of the week, I know that our prayers were heard and answered by the Healer of all infirmities.
That afternoon we spent time with some kids in a place called Hiuycan, just showing them love and starting relationships to build on throughout the week.
Sunday, February 8, 2015
I Want to Know What Love Is
This morning in my sunday school class, we were talking about love. Specifically God's love towards us. And I began to try and understand just how great God's love for us is... let me tell you, that is pretty difficult. So, I started somewhere that I can understand and worked from there.
I have six people that I would call my best friends, they are amazing and wonderful, and I love them more than anything else in this world. They could never do anything to change how much I love them, and I am not planning on ever stopping loving them. But, one day, I am going to meet someone that I am going to marry, and I am going to love him so much more than I love those six friends, which is already crazy to think about for me. Even beyond that, I will have a kid one day, that I will love even immensely more than my husband. We are already to the point of unfathomable for me. And God's love goes beyond even that. I just have to sit here in amazement at how perfect that is. I mean, what?! I don't even understand how that is possible, but it is true. God love's immensely more than we could ever believe or ever fathom. I really love the song Good Father by Housefires, part of the chorus say "I am loved by You and that's who I am", that's our defining factor, we are love by Christ. And it should be, a love that powerful should be what overtakes us and pours out of us so unstoppably that others cannot help but see only Him. People should never have to question whether or not we are filled with the love of Christ, because if we are, it should be undeniable.
I had several other things that I was going to put in this post, but I have gotten approximately 12 hours of sleep total in the past week and I cannot remember anything right now, or say anything right, so I am going to get some sleep and then add post scripts to this as they come to mind.
Sleep well darlings.
I have six people that I would call my best friends, they are amazing and wonderful, and I love them more than anything else in this world. They could never do anything to change how much I love them, and I am not planning on ever stopping loving them. But, one day, I am going to meet someone that I am going to marry, and I am going to love him so much more than I love those six friends, which is already crazy to think about for me. Even beyond that, I will have a kid one day, that I will love even immensely more than my husband. We are already to the point of unfathomable for me. And God's love goes beyond even that. I just have to sit here in amazement at how perfect that is. I mean, what?! I don't even understand how that is possible, but it is true. God love's immensely more than we could ever believe or ever fathom. I really love the song Good Father by Housefires, part of the chorus say "I am loved by You and that's who I am", that's our defining factor, we are love by Christ. And it should be, a love that powerful should be what overtakes us and pours out of us so unstoppably that others cannot help but see only Him. People should never have to question whether or not we are filled with the love of Christ, because if we are, it should be undeniable.
I had several other things that I was going to put in this post, but I have gotten approximately 12 hours of sleep total in the past week and I cannot remember anything right now, or say anything right, so I am going to get some sleep and then add post scripts to this as they come to mind.
Sleep well darlings.
Saturday, February 7, 2015
Clumsy
Chris Rice
Clumsy
You think I'd have it down by now
Been practicin' for thirty years
I should have walked a thousand miles
So what am I still doin' here, yeah
Reachin' out for that same old piece of forbidden fruit
I slip and fall and I knock my halo loose
Somebody tell me, what's a boy supposed to do?
Been practicin' for thirty years
I should have walked a thousand miles
So what am I still doin' here, yeah
Reachin' out for that same old piece of forbidden fruit
I slip and fall and I knock my halo loose
Somebody tell me, what's a boy supposed to do?
I get so clumsy, I get so foolish, I get so stupid
And then I feel so useless
But You're sayin' You love me and You're still gonna hold me
And that You wanna be near me 'cause You're makin' me holy
Still makin' me holy, yeah
And then I feel so useless
But You're sayin' You love me and You're still gonna hold me
And that You wanna be near me 'cause You're makin' me holy
Still makin' me holy, yeah
I'm gonna get it right this time
I'll be strong and I'll make You proud
Prayed that prayer a thousand times
But the rooster crows and my tears roll down again
You remind me You made me from the dust
And I can never, no never, be good enough
And that You're not gonna let that come between us
I'll be strong and I'll make You proud
Prayed that prayer a thousand times
But the rooster crows and my tears roll down again
You remind me You made me from the dust
And I can never, no never, be good enough
And that You're not gonna let that come between us
'Cos I get so clumsy, I can get so foolish, I can get so stupid
And then I feel so useless
But You're sayin' You love me and You're still gonna hold me
And that You wanna be near me 'cause You're makin' me holy
Still makin' me holy, yeah
And then I feel so useless
But You're sayin' You love me and You're still gonna hold me
And that You wanna be near me 'cause You're makin' me holy
Still makin' me holy, yeah
From where I stand
Your holiness is up so high I can never reach it
My only hope is to fall on Jesus
Your holiness is up so high I can never reach it
My only hope is to fall on Jesus
'Cos I get so clumsy, and I get so foolish, I can get so stupid sometimes
And then I feel so useless
But You're sayin' You love me and You're still gonna hold me
And that You wanna be near me 'cause You're makin' me holy
And then I feel so useless
But You're sayin' You love me and You're still gonna hold me
And that You wanna be near me 'cause You're makin' me holy
I get so clumsy, and I get so foolish, I can get so stupid
And then I feel so useless
But You're sayin' You love me and You're still gonna hold me
And that You wanna be near me 'cause You're makin' me holy
You're still makin' me holy, keep makin' me holy, yeah
And then I feel so useless
But You're sayin' You love me and You're still gonna hold me
And that You wanna be near me 'cause You're makin' me holy
You're still makin' me holy, keep makin' me holy, yeah
I really love the way he says it in this song, and I'm not really sure that I can add anything to it, except for maybe my own experience.
I mess up. Like a lot. You would think that after all of this practice at following Christ, I would have that down, it should come as easily as breathing. But it doesn't. I really love the way that he says "reaching out for that same old price of forbidden fruit" because every part of that is me, it's always the same things that trip me up over and over again. I think that I get in a really good place and then I turn around and there it is again, what ever has been bringing me down. I get stupid and foolish and feel useless, but then something changes. And it amazes me that even when I am messing up, God is still bombarding me with love. He is saying He loves me, and He is still going to hold me, and that He wants to be near me (what? That's incredible, because the majority of the time I don't even want to be near me) all because He is still making me holy. Even in the midst of my sin, He wants to shape me into a perfect child of His.
Monday, January 19, 2015
Tetelestai
This week has been the rockiest I have ver experienced. On a daily basis I have gone from hearing God really clearly, to feeling like I have hit rock bottom. Every night I had to remind myself that hope would come in the morning. God has a funny way of preparing you for things. This weekend I attended the Passion Conference in Atlanta. It wasn't until the second day of being there that I realized that not only were we having sessions in the very room where I had been saved, it was also my spiritual birthday, January 17th. It amazed me all weekend that just as I was most looking for solid ground, He would bring me back to the place where it all began, where I knew I had something to stand on.
If you are wondering, "tetelestai" is the greek word that Christ said while dying on the cross, translated into English as "It is finished". The coolest thing about this word is it's tense: perfect past progressive, that means that the action is done and the effects are still taking place. As I learned from a song I wrote about last post, "it is finished" did not just mean that Christ's life on Earth was finished. It meant that He had finished Satan, and taken down all of the demons, and that all of my fears, and insecurities, and worries were finished too. This is what Loui Giglio spoke about on the very first night, and it was a wonderful reminder about what I heard from God last week.
All of the worship was amazing and powerful and it was wonderful. But I had a song stuck in y head all weekend that they never played, but all the same I sang it non-stop. If you haven't heard Good Father by Housefires, go and listen to it now. It is such a wonderful song, with a beautiful picture of God as a good Father. Over and over again, God kept pointing out lyrics of this song that said this or that about Him, and it was something that I could hold on to.
All of the speakers were wonderful, but the one who really got to me was Christine Caine. And, to be honest, the main point of her message wasn't what really hit me. (Now don't get me wrong, she spoke powerfully.) But as part of the beginning of her message, she talked about the calling of Elisha, and she started a little ahead of that story to talk about how after Elija had just killed 300 Baal profits, he received a message from Jezebel that was so discouraging that he turned and ran. She talked about how people now will still get messages from the depths of hell to discourage them from that God is doing. I quickly realized that that was what my last week had been. Every time God would speak love, the devil would speak hatred. For every "I love you" there was a "you are not good enough" and for every "I am with you" there was a "you are alone". After running from Jezebel, Elija went to a mountain, and then comes the story of the earth quake, the wind, and the fire, but God was in the gentle whisper. This brought me back a one to the Good Father lyrics, "I have heard the tender whisper of love in the dead of night, and You tell me that You're pleased, and that I'm never alone."
This was particularly comforting because I really did feel like I hit rock bottom this week, but the constant flow of love and hope at passion was undeniable.
This brings me to the thing that I have felt the most for the past week: alone. It was either that I really felt alone, or that I simply felt like there was no one I could tell that I was feeling so unloved. So, God blessed me with two wonderful things: three roomies who I know I can share anything with, and a wonderful family group that I could not have asked for more from. They said at the beginning of our first community group that God had placed us into these families by His will, and that He had a plan. He most certainly did. These eight people were all a perfect combination.
If you are wondering, "tetelestai" is the greek word that Christ said while dying on the cross, translated into English as "It is finished". The coolest thing about this word is it's tense: perfect past progressive, that means that the action is done and the effects are still taking place. As I learned from a song I wrote about last post, "it is finished" did not just mean that Christ's life on Earth was finished. It meant that He had finished Satan, and taken down all of the demons, and that all of my fears, and insecurities, and worries were finished too. This is what Loui Giglio spoke about on the very first night, and it was a wonderful reminder about what I heard from God last week.
All of the worship was amazing and powerful and it was wonderful. But I had a song stuck in y head all weekend that they never played, but all the same I sang it non-stop. If you haven't heard Good Father by Housefires, go and listen to it now. It is such a wonderful song, with a beautiful picture of God as a good Father. Over and over again, God kept pointing out lyrics of this song that said this or that about Him, and it was something that I could hold on to.
All of the speakers were wonderful, but the one who really got to me was Christine Caine. And, to be honest, the main point of her message wasn't what really hit me. (Now don't get me wrong, she spoke powerfully.) But as part of the beginning of her message, she talked about the calling of Elisha, and she started a little ahead of that story to talk about how after Elija had just killed 300 Baal profits, he received a message from Jezebel that was so discouraging that he turned and ran. She talked about how people now will still get messages from the depths of hell to discourage them from that God is doing. I quickly realized that that was what my last week had been. Every time God would speak love, the devil would speak hatred. For every "I love you" there was a "you are not good enough" and for every "I am with you" there was a "you are alone". After running from Jezebel, Elija went to a mountain, and then comes the story of the earth quake, the wind, and the fire, but God was in the gentle whisper. This brought me back a one to the Good Father lyrics, "I have heard the tender whisper of love in the dead of night, and You tell me that You're pleased, and that I'm never alone."
This was particularly comforting because I really did feel like I hit rock bottom this week, but the constant flow of love and hope at passion was undeniable.
This brings me to the thing that I have felt the most for the past week: alone. It was either that I really felt alone, or that I simply felt like there was no one I could tell that I was feeling so unloved. So, God blessed me with two wonderful things: three roomies who I know I can share anything with, and a wonderful family group that I could not have asked for more from. They said at the beginning of our first community group that God had placed us into these families by His will, and that He had a plan. He most certainly did. These eight people were all a perfect combination.
(Teniqua isn't pictured because she didn't want to lay down on the ground)
Who knew that I could meet brand new people and love them so quickly. They were all wonderful, and exactly what I need. We were people who met for the first time with the mindset of where are here to talk about Christ, instead of at home where you meet and then reach that point. I went from feeling very alone to feeling like I had just the right people there with me. It was so wonderful and really unexplainable.
The love and the friendship and the fellowship and the good news flowed from every direction and hit me when I needed them most.
the final lyrics to Good Father are "Love so deniable I can hardly speak, Peace so unexplainable, I can hardly think, yet You call me deeper still into love."
All of my fears, doubts, and insecurities are finished, while they still may temporarily hurt, I know that they are ultimately Tetelestai.
"You're a good, good Father, it's who you are, and I'm loved by You, and that's who I am."
Saturday, January 10, 2015
Never Felt More Secure Knowing Your Heart Lord
I found out at noon today that I
was deferred from Georgia Tech. But really, today wasn’t so bad. Up until
today, I was really worried about finding out, because I was at a rehearsal
with a lot of people who don’t know me very well, and I didn’t want to either
get really excited or be really upset in front of them, but I ended up that
that was the perfect place for me to be today. I found out as lunch began, and
I had some really great people who all gave me hugs and encouragement, even
when I just stood there staring at the page for ten minutes. Another good thing
about being at rehearsal was that I only got about twenty minutes to be sad,
and then I had to get things done and had to be around a bunch of people, which
was good, because I would not have dealt with it quite as well if I had sat at
home alone all afternoon, or even worse, with my parents.
Another
good thing about being at rehearsal was the lovely two-hour drive that I got
all alone to get back home. (Every bit of that was sarcastic.) I hate being
alone, I love people and I want to be around them all of the time. Being around
people is my favorite thing, and it always makes me happy. So, I don’t like
being alone, and I don’t like it even more when I am sad. But, the nice thing
about having this 24/7 God of ours is that we never really have to be alone.
So, today I would like to walk you through the ways God spoke through my
worship playlist on my way home.
1.
Song of Moses by Housefires
This is one of my favorite songs. Scripture talks about two
songs that we will sing in heaven: one is “Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God
Almighty.” And the other is Moses’s Song. The lyrics go like this:
“Oh praise the Lord, our Mighty Warrior
Praise the Lord, the Glorious One
By His hand we stand in victory
By His name we overcome”
But it wasn’t any part of the original song that got to me,
it was a part at the end when the singer abandoned the lyrics and just sang
what was on his heart. And God was speaking through him answers to everything I
had been thinking for the past few hours: every fear, every insecurity, and
every thought of God lacking goodness. He sang:
“It is finished
Any doubt about my future is
finished.
Any thought that I don’t love
myself, it’s finished.
Any thought that You’re not that
good is finished.”
Just as I had been thinking that I wouldn’t go where I
wanted to, that I wasn’t good enough, and that He wasn’t really being good to
me; He answered everything.
2.
Never Been So Free by Housefires
The second line of this song is “I have never been so secure
knowing Your heart Lord.” And that was exactly how I felt as God began answering
my questioning this afternoon. He has a plan, and I am secure in it. This was
about the time that I began seeing that He had pretty good timing with these
song choices, and maybe that He has pretty good timing with other things too.
3.
Messiah by Phil Wickham
I got to the middle of this song just as I was starting to
worry, and thus cry, just because of the way the day had gone. There then came
a line that talked about how there will be no more tears or sadness in heaven,
and that was all that was needed to pull me back together.
4.
Wedding Day by The City Harmonic
This song didn’t really say anything specific, but it is a
song that I love, and I think God just wanted to give me a breather with all of
this revelation.
5.
Rise by Housefires (I’m noticing a partner here)
This song came on as I was driving through Atlanta, the sun
had only just set, and the sky was a perfect blue and the clouds were a perfect
pink, and the skyline was lit and beautiful. I said out loud, “I love this
city”, during the intro to this song, and then the first words were “love will
never fail”. So, wow, that happened, and it was cool. And over and over again God
kept showing me that His timing is perfect.
6.
Great is the Lord by Housefires
This song came on while I was still driving through the
city, and it got to the end when everyone has been singing, “You are holy, You
are holy, You are holy, crowned with wonder, Majesty.” And then they stopped
signing that but the music continued, and it felt really right to be singing,
“You are holy” alone, in that city.
7.
Divine Romance by Phil Wickham
I think this was a little bit
take-a-breather-because-this-has-been-intense and a little bit
I-love-you-and-you-need-to-stop-questioning-that.
8.
Multiplied by NEEDTOBREATH
This song has been stuck in my head for a few weeks, because
it was the background song for the recap video for my church’s Peru trip last
year, and I think I have watched this video at least once everyday for the past
few weeks. (You can find the video here: http://jfbcperu.typepad.com
scroll down, it’s the second video.)I am going on this trip this year, and this
song was just a reminder that God is doing things for me now so that I can
share His love with the people of Peru later. (As I went back to watch this
video as I wrote, I noticed the verse Maddie talked about: Romans 8:28)
9.
It Is Well With My Soul by Phil Wickham
If you don’t know the story of this hymn, the man that wrote
it lost his four daughters on a ship that sank while traveling. When he
followed to meet his wife, the ship he was on passed near where his family’s
ship had sunk, while looking at the grave of his daughters he wrote, “It is
well, it is well, with my soul”. It was amazing how God brought this story to
my mind
10. Let
the Peace by Housefires
This song came on right as I was pulling into my
neighborhood and really worrying about what was going to happen when I walk
through the door and had to see my parents. I didn’t want to disappoint them,
and I didn’t want to cry in front of them, but both of those seemed like pretty
likely possibilities at the time. Then this song came on, and I only heard the
first line, but I did “let the peace of the Holy Spirit fall around” me. And
everything was ok. (If you were wondering, this song is 3 minutes and 21
seconds of “let the peace of the Holy Spirit fall around you”)
God has perfect timing and a perfect plan. When I sat down
to write this post, I wanted to open up my playlist on my phone to reference
while I was writing. However, my phone decided to freeze up just as I was
getting to the playlist. Because of that I pulled up Spotify on my computer,
and when you do that you can see a live feed of what your friends are listening
to, and in the time it has taken me to write this, several secular songs have
popped up on my feed in just the right order for God to tell me one more thing:
“Do you not realize? I am your protector. I have possession of your heart.” If
I had gotten accepted today, I wouldn’t have listened to this playlist or
learned anything from it or written this post from which, hopefully, you are
learning something. We serve a God who controls the universe; all of this is in
His hands.
Post Script. Housefires is the name of the band that plays
at the new church I have been attending where God told me that He is doing
things in Atlanta and He wants me to be a part of them. I still think that that
is what He wants for my next step, but He is doing it on His time.
Friday, January 9, 2015
Unsteady and Trembling
Can I just say, it is very cold outside, and this hotel room should be warmer than it is. (That would be why I am trembling.)
But, let me get to why I am unsteady. I have been wanting to go to the Georgia Institute of Technology for about 18 years now, or at least for as long as I can remember. Both of my parents went there, and my grandfather went there, I love Atlanta, and I love the people.
However, about two months ago, David Platt came to my church and spoke, and he said something that really got my wheels turning, "Stop living like this is your home." As Christians, we know that this is not our home, this is just a temporary mission before we get to the real home for our souls. So, what we do here, other than God's will for our lives, is not nearly as important as we make it out to be. After he said this, my brain started working, as it does, and somehow, I arrived at the conclusion that I needed to go to the University of Georgia, and that Athens needed to be my mission field. Now, that freaked me out, that was so far out of my plan that I was really worried, and part of me is still not sure if that was just me arriving at my worst case scenario. I decided that Athens must be my Nineveh, and if I didn't want to be swallowed by a fish, I should start applying.
All of this thought process managed to happen from the time it took me to walk from the sanctuary to my car in the parking lot. So, for the 30 minute drive home I just prayed. I prayed, and prayed, and prayed, and cried a little, and prayed some more. I was so unsure of God's plan and I had no idea what to do. I finally just said "God, if this is what You really want, I need something to tell me that really clearly." And I got home and walked through the door, and heard a football game on, and I thought, "This is it, that is probably my dad watching the Falcons, and their colors are red and black just like Georgia's and that must be it, because football is so important to me and to where I go to college, and this must be my sign." But I walk in the living room, and no one is there, which is weird because we aren't the kind of family that just turns the TV on for background noise, we turn it on to watch something, and then we turn it off. So, the TV should not have been on. The next thing I noticed was that it was not the Falcons playing, but the Saints, whose colors are gold and white, just like Georgia Tech's.
I know this seems foolish, and like I was just seeing signs because I wanted to, but I love football, and I intend to go to every home game, wherever I go, and I had already decided that this was a sign, one way or the other, before I even walked into the room, it's the kind of things that only I would notice, and they were things that had no reason to happen just on a whim. I really do believe that this was God trying to tell me that it was ok, and that I was going in the right direction. For that whole week, I continued praying for God to show me something that really undeniably pointed me the right way.
Recently, I have been attending a new church at night, and it is the church that I will go to if I end up at Tech, and I went for the second time the sunday a week after my first thoughts of Georgia. It was Thanksgiving week, so my friends who go to the sister church in Athens joined me, and were telling me about the awesome things God is doing in Athens.
The whole beginning of the service, during worship, I just kept praying, "God, I need you to tell me if You are doing things in Atlanta that You want me to be a part of." and right after I prayed that, the guy who was preaching that night came on stage and started his sermon with "God is doing things in this city, and He wants you to be a part of them." I actually have written in my notebook from that night, "Wow, that was really clear." So, for the next few weeks, I was totally sure that Atlanta was where God wanted me, and that the Georgia Scare (as I am calling it) was just an Abraham and Isaac scenario, where He was just trying to tell me that I had made where I go to college more important than Him.
I was really sure of that until our Senior Girls Bible Study this morning, the video we watched was all about how the things of this life don't last and the treasures that we store up here are just wasting our time. This got me thinking again. (I do hate when I think). And I began wondering if I had just been pushing away God's plan for m life of what I want. This thought stuck in my head, and then I saw a weird thing happen: a devotion that I wrote for my church's Dominican Republic trip last year popped up on my recent document's list, even though I hadn't opened it in almost a year. I wet through and read the devotion, and it was all about how God has a plan, and for that plan, sometimes God calls you to do things you are uncomfortable with. That got me thinking a little more, and throughout the day, little things here and there have been making me think I should bring back up this conversation with Him about applying to Georgia.
Tonight, I went so far as to open up the Georgia application to begin looking at it. But, when I got to the web page, something felt very wrong, and it wasn't the same type of wrong I felt when thinking about going to Georgia after 18 years of loving Tech, it was something very different and weird, like nothing I have felt before, it was like I was going to be sick, and that I was just really not ok with what was happening. I promise you, I know the feeling of "I don't want to apply to Georgia" and this was not the same thing. So, now I am really confused, and really unsure, and really unsteady, and I don't know what to do.
I really don't know what God wants for me. I just keep going back to how clear it was when the pastor said exactly what I had been praying, all the same words. I was really sure then, but now I'm not so sure anymore. I guess I'll just have to wait for His timing to let me know. I probably shouldn't have prayed for patience that one time, because He seems to dole out all the more waiting when I do. I'll let you know how things go down, I just have to wait until I know first.
P.S. I find out if I got into Georgia Tech in 11 hours and 2 minutes.
P.P.S. I have yet to have a sign that really clearly pointed me in the direction of Georgia.
But, let me get to why I am unsteady. I have been wanting to go to the Georgia Institute of Technology for about 18 years now, or at least for as long as I can remember. Both of my parents went there, and my grandfather went there, I love Atlanta, and I love the people.
However, about two months ago, David Platt came to my church and spoke, and he said something that really got my wheels turning, "Stop living like this is your home." As Christians, we know that this is not our home, this is just a temporary mission before we get to the real home for our souls. So, what we do here, other than God's will for our lives, is not nearly as important as we make it out to be. After he said this, my brain started working, as it does, and somehow, I arrived at the conclusion that I needed to go to the University of Georgia, and that Athens needed to be my mission field. Now, that freaked me out, that was so far out of my plan that I was really worried, and part of me is still not sure if that was just me arriving at my worst case scenario. I decided that Athens must be my Nineveh, and if I didn't want to be swallowed by a fish, I should start applying.
All of this thought process managed to happen from the time it took me to walk from the sanctuary to my car in the parking lot. So, for the 30 minute drive home I just prayed. I prayed, and prayed, and prayed, and cried a little, and prayed some more. I was so unsure of God's plan and I had no idea what to do. I finally just said "God, if this is what You really want, I need something to tell me that really clearly." And I got home and walked through the door, and heard a football game on, and I thought, "This is it, that is probably my dad watching the Falcons, and their colors are red and black just like Georgia's and that must be it, because football is so important to me and to where I go to college, and this must be my sign." But I walk in the living room, and no one is there, which is weird because we aren't the kind of family that just turns the TV on for background noise, we turn it on to watch something, and then we turn it off. So, the TV should not have been on. The next thing I noticed was that it was not the Falcons playing, but the Saints, whose colors are gold and white, just like Georgia Tech's.
I know this seems foolish, and like I was just seeing signs because I wanted to, but I love football, and I intend to go to every home game, wherever I go, and I had already decided that this was a sign, one way or the other, before I even walked into the room, it's the kind of things that only I would notice, and they were things that had no reason to happen just on a whim. I really do believe that this was God trying to tell me that it was ok, and that I was going in the right direction. For that whole week, I continued praying for God to show me something that really undeniably pointed me the right way.
Recently, I have been attending a new church at night, and it is the church that I will go to if I end up at Tech, and I went for the second time the sunday a week after my first thoughts of Georgia. It was Thanksgiving week, so my friends who go to the sister church in Athens joined me, and were telling me about the awesome things God is doing in Athens.
The whole beginning of the service, during worship, I just kept praying, "God, I need you to tell me if You are doing things in Atlanta that You want me to be a part of." and right after I prayed that, the guy who was preaching that night came on stage and started his sermon with "God is doing things in this city, and He wants you to be a part of them." I actually have written in my notebook from that night, "Wow, that was really clear." So, for the next few weeks, I was totally sure that Atlanta was where God wanted me, and that the Georgia Scare (as I am calling it) was just an Abraham and Isaac scenario, where He was just trying to tell me that I had made where I go to college more important than Him.
I was really sure of that until our Senior Girls Bible Study this morning, the video we watched was all about how the things of this life don't last and the treasures that we store up here are just wasting our time. This got me thinking again. (I do hate when I think). And I began wondering if I had just been pushing away God's plan for m life of what I want. This thought stuck in my head, and then I saw a weird thing happen: a devotion that I wrote for my church's Dominican Republic trip last year popped up on my recent document's list, even though I hadn't opened it in almost a year. I wet through and read the devotion, and it was all about how God has a plan, and for that plan, sometimes God calls you to do things you are uncomfortable with. That got me thinking a little more, and throughout the day, little things here and there have been making me think I should bring back up this conversation with Him about applying to Georgia.
Tonight, I went so far as to open up the Georgia application to begin looking at it. But, when I got to the web page, something felt very wrong, and it wasn't the same type of wrong I felt when thinking about going to Georgia after 18 years of loving Tech, it was something very different and weird, like nothing I have felt before, it was like I was going to be sick, and that I was just really not ok with what was happening. I promise you, I know the feeling of "I don't want to apply to Georgia" and this was not the same thing. So, now I am really confused, and really unsure, and really unsteady, and I don't know what to do.
I really don't know what God wants for me. I just keep going back to how clear it was when the pastor said exactly what I had been praying, all the same words. I was really sure then, but now I'm not so sure anymore. I guess I'll just have to wait for His timing to let me know. I probably shouldn't have prayed for patience that one time, because He seems to dole out all the more waiting when I do. I'll let you know how things go down, I just have to wait until I know first.
P.S. I find out if I got into Georgia Tech in 11 hours and 2 minutes.
P.P.S. I have yet to have a sign that really clearly pointed me in the direction of Georgia.
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