I Want to Know What Love Is

This morning in my sunday school class, we were talking about love. Specifically God's love towards us. And I began to try and understand just how great God's love for us is... let me tell you, that is pretty difficult. So, I started somewhere that I can understand and worked from there.
I have six people that I would call my best friends, they are amazing and wonderful, and I love them more than anything else in this world. They could never do anything to change how much I love them, and I am not planning on ever stopping loving them. But, one day, I am going to meet someone that I am going to marry, and I am going to love him so much more than I love those six friends, which is already crazy to think about for me. Even beyond that, I will have a kid one day, that I will love even immensely more than my husband. We are already to the point of unfathomable for me. And God's love goes beyond even that. I just have to sit here in amazement at how perfect that is. I mean, what?! I don't even understand how that is possible, but it is true. God love's immensely more than we could ever believe or ever fathom. I really love the song Good Father by Housefires, part of the chorus say "I am loved by You and that's who I am", that's our defining factor, we are love by Christ. And it should be, a love that powerful should be what overtakes us and pours out of us so unstoppably that others cannot help but see only Him. People should never have to question whether or not we are filled with the love of Christ, because if we are, it should be undeniable.
I had several other things that I was going to put in this post, but I have gotten approximately 12 hours of sleep total in the past week and I cannot remember anything right now, or say anything right, so I am going to get some sleep and then add post scripts to this as they come to mind.
Sleep well darlings.

Clumsy

Chris Rice

Clumsy

You think I'd have it down by now
Been practicin' for thirty years
I should have walked a thousand miles
So what am I still doin' here, yeah
Reachin' out for that same old piece of forbidden fruit
I slip and fall and I knock my halo loose
Somebody tell me, what's a boy supposed to do?

I get so clumsy, I get so foolish, I get so stupid
And then I feel so useless
But You're sayin' You love me and You're still gonna hold me
And that You wanna be near me 'cause You're makin' me holy
Still makin' me holy, yeah

I'm gonna get it right this time
I'll be strong and I'll make You proud
Prayed that prayer a thousand times
But the rooster crows and my tears roll down again
You remind me You made me from the dust
And I can never, no never, be good enough
And that You're not gonna let that come between us

'Cos I get so clumsy, I can get so foolish, I can get so stupid
And then I feel so useless
But You're sayin' You love me and You're still gonna hold me
And that You wanna be near me 'cause You're makin' me holy
Still makin' me holy, yeah

From where I stand
Your holiness is up so high I can never reach it
My only hope is to fall on Jesus

'Cos I get so clumsy, and I get so foolish, I can get so stupid sometimes
And then I feel so useless
But You're sayin' You love me and You're still gonna hold me
And that You wanna be near me 'cause You're makin' me holy

I get so clumsy, and I get so foolish, I can get so stupid
And then I feel so useless
But You're sayin' You love me and You're still gonna hold me
And that You wanna be near me 'cause You're makin' me holy
You're still makin' me holy, keep makin' me holy, yeah

I really love the way he says it in this song, and I'm not really sure that I can add anything to it, except for maybe my own experience. 

I mess up. Like a lot. You would think that after all of this practice at following Christ, I would have that down, it should come as easily as breathing. But it doesn't. I really love the way that he says "reaching out for that same old price of forbidden fruit" because every part of that is me, it's always the same things that trip me up over and over again. I think that I get in a really good place and then I turn around and there it is again, what ever has been bringing me down. I get stupid and foolish and feel useless, but then something changes. And it amazes me that even when I am messing up, God is still bombarding me with love. He is saying He loves me, and He is still going to hold me, and that He wants to be near me (what? That's incredible, because the majority of the time I don't even want to be near me) all because He is still making me holy. Even in the midst of my sin, He wants to shape me into a perfect child of His. 

Tetelestai

This week has been the rockiest I have ver experienced. On a daily basis I have gone from hearing God really clearly, to feeling like I have hit rock bottom. Every night I had to remind myself that hope would come in the morning. God has a funny way of preparing you for things. This weekend I attended the Passion Conference in Atlanta. It wasn't until the second day of being there that I realized that not only were we having sessions in the very room where I had been saved, it was also my spiritual birthday, January 17th. It amazed me all weekend that just as I was most looking for solid ground, He would bring me back to the place where it all began, where I knew I had something to stand on.
If you are wondering, "tetelestai" is the greek word that Christ said while dying on the cross, translated into English as "It is finished". The coolest thing about this word is it's tense: perfect past progressive, that means that the action is done and the effects are still taking place. As I learned from a song I wrote about last post, "it is finished" did not just mean that Christ's life on Earth was finished. It meant that He had finished Satan, and taken down all of the demons, and that all of my fears, and insecurities, and worries were finished too. This is what Loui Giglio spoke about on the very first night, and it was a wonderful reminder about what I heard from God last week.
All of the worship was amazing and powerful and it was wonderful. But I had a song stuck in y head all weekend that they never played, but all the same I sang it non-stop. If you haven't heard Good Father by Housefires, go and listen to it now. It is such a wonderful song, with a beautiful picture of God as a good Father. Over and over again, God kept pointing out lyrics of this song that said this or that about Him, and it was something that I could hold on to.
All of the speakers were wonderful, but the one who really got to me was Christine Caine. And, to be honest, the main point of her message wasn't what really hit me. (Now don't get me wrong, she spoke powerfully.) But as part of the beginning of her message, she talked about the calling of Elisha, and she started a little ahead of that story to talk about how after Elija had just killed 300 Baal profits, he received a message from Jezebel that was so discouraging that he turned and ran. She talked about how people now will still get messages from the depths of hell to discourage them from that God is doing. I quickly realized that that was what my last week had been. Every time God would speak love, the devil would speak hatred. For every "I love you" there was a "you are not good enough" and for every "I am with you" there was a "you are alone". After running from Jezebel, Elija went to a mountain, and then comes the story of the earth quake, the wind, and the fire, but God was in the gentle whisper. This brought me back a one to the Good Father lyrics, "I have heard the tender whisper of love in the dead of night, and You tell me that You're pleased, and that I'm never alone."
This was particularly comforting because I really did feel like I hit rock bottom this week, but the constant flow of love and hope at passion was undeniable.
This brings me to the thing that I have felt the most for the past week: alone. It was either that I really felt alone, or that I simply felt like there was no one I could tell that I was feeling so unloved. So, God blessed me with two wonderful things: three roomies who I know I can share anything with, and a wonderful family group that I could not have asked for more from. They said at the beginning of our first community group that God had placed us into these families by His will, and that He had a plan. He most certainly did. These eight people were all a perfect combination.

(Teniqua isn't pictured because she didn't want to lay down on the ground)

Who knew that I could meet brand new people and love them so quickly. They were all wonderful, and exactly what I need. We were people who met for the first time with the mindset of where are here to talk about Christ, instead of at home where you meet and then reach that point. I went from feeling very alone to feeling like I had just the right people there with me. It was so wonderful and really unexplainable. 

The love and the friendship and the fellowship and the good news flowed from every direction and hit me when I needed them most. 

the final lyrics to Good Father are "Love so deniable I can hardly speak, Peace so unexplainable, I can hardly think, yet You call me deeper still into love." 

All of my fears, doubts, and insecurities are finished, while they still may temporarily hurt, I know that they are ultimately Tetelestai. 

"You're a good, good Father, it's who you are, and I'm loved by You, and that's who I am."

Never Felt More Secure Knowing Your Heart Lord

I found out at noon today that I was deferred from Georgia Tech. But really, today wasn’t so bad. Up until today, I was really worried about finding out, because I was at a rehearsal with a lot of people who don’t know me very well, and I didn’t want to either get really excited or be really upset in front of them, but I ended up that that was the perfect place for me to be today. I found out as lunch began, and I had some really great people who all gave me hugs and encouragement, even when I just stood there staring at the page for ten minutes. Another good thing about being at rehearsal was that I only got about twenty minutes to be sad, and then I had to get things done and had to be around a bunch of people, which was good, because I would not have dealt with it quite as well if I had sat at home alone all afternoon, or even worse, with my parents.

            Another good thing about being at rehearsal was the lovely two-hour drive that I got all alone to get back home. (Every bit of that was sarcastic.) I hate being alone, I love people and I want to be around them all of the time. Being around people is my favorite thing, and it always makes me happy. So, I don’t like being alone, and I don’t like it even more when I am sad. But, the nice thing about having this 24/7 God of ours is that we never really have to be alone. So, today I would like to walk you through the ways God spoke through my worship playlist on my way home.

1.     Song of Moses by Housefires

This is one of my favorite songs. Scripture talks about two songs that we will sing in heaven: one is “Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty.” And the other is Moses’s Song. The lyrics go like this:

“Oh praise the Lord, our Mighty Warrior

Praise the Lord, the Glorious One

By His hand we stand in victory

By His name we overcome”

But it wasn’t any part of the original song that got to me, it was a part at the end when the singer abandoned the lyrics and just sang what was on his heart. And God was speaking through him answers to everything I had been thinking for the past few hours: every fear, every insecurity, and every thought of God lacking goodness. He sang:

“It is finished

Any doubt about my future is finished.

Any thought that I don’t love myself, it’s finished.

Any thought that You’re not that good is finished.”

Just as I had been thinking that I wouldn’t go where I wanted to, that I wasn’t good enough, and that He wasn’t really being good to me; He answered everything.

2.     Never Been So Free by Housefires

The second line of this song is “I have never been so secure knowing Your heart Lord.” And that was exactly how I felt as God began answering my questioning this afternoon. He has a plan, and I am secure in it. This was about the time that I began seeing that He had pretty good timing with these song choices, and maybe that He has pretty good timing with other things too.

3.     Messiah by Phil Wickham

I got to the middle of this song just as I was starting to worry, and thus cry, just because of the way the day had gone. There then came a line that talked about how there will be no more tears or sadness in heaven, and that was all that was needed to pull me back together.

4.     Wedding Day by The City Harmonic

This song didn’t really say anything specific, but it is a song that I love, and I think God just wanted to give me a breather with all of this revelation.

5.     Rise by Housefires (I’m noticing a partner here)

This song came on as I was driving through Atlanta, the sun had only just set, and the sky was a perfect blue and the clouds were a perfect pink, and the skyline was lit and beautiful. I said out loud, “I love this city”, during the intro to this song, and then the first words were “love will never fail”. So, wow, that happened, and it was cool. And over and over again God kept showing me that His timing is perfect.

6.     Great is the Lord by Housefires

This song came on while I was still driving through the city, and it got to the end when everyone has been singing, “You are holy, You are holy, You are holy, crowned with wonder, Majesty.” And then they stopped signing that but the music continued, and it felt really right to be singing, “You are holy” alone, in that city.

7.     Divine Romance by Phil Wickham

I think this was a little bit take-a-breather-because-this-has-been-intense and a little bit I-love-you-and-you-need-to-stop-questioning-that.

8.     Multiplied by NEEDTOBREATH

This song has been stuck in my head for a few weeks, because it was the background song for the recap video for my church’s Peru trip last year, and I think I have watched this video at least once everyday for the past few weeks. (You can find the video here: http://jfbcperu.typepad.com scroll down, it’s the second video.)I am going on this trip this year, and this song was just a reminder that God is doing things for me now so that I can share His love with the people of Peru later. (As I went back to watch this video as I wrote, I noticed the verse Maddie talked about: Romans 8:28)

9.     It Is Well With My Soul by Phil Wickham

If you don’t know the story of this hymn, the man that wrote it lost his four daughters on a ship that sank while traveling. When he followed to meet his wife, the ship he was on passed near where his family’s ship had sunk, while looking at the grave of his daughters he wrote, “It is well, it is well, with my soul”. It was amazing how God brought this story to my mind

10. Let the Peace by Housefires

This song came on right as I was pulling into my neighborhood and really worrying about what was going to happen when I walk through the door and had to see my parents. I didn’t want to disappoint them, and I didn’t want to cry in front of them, but both of those seemed like pretty likely possibilities at the time. Then this song came on, and I only heard the first line, but I did “let the peace of the Holy Spirit fall around” me. And everything was ok. (If you were wondering, this song is 3 minutes and 21 seconds of “let the peace of the Holy Spirit fall around you”)

God has perfect timing and a perfect plan. When I sat down to write this post, I wanted to open up my playlist on my phone to reference while I was writing. However, my phone decided to freeze up just as I was getting to the playlist. Because of that I pulled up Spotify on my computer, and when you do that you can see a live feed of what your friends are listening to, and in the time it has taken me to write this, several secular songs have popped up on my feed in just the right order for God to tell me one more thing: “Do you not realize? I am your protector. I have possession of your heart.” If I had gotten accepted today, I wouldn’t have listened to this playlist or learned anything from it or written this post from which, hopefully, you are learning something. We serve a God who controls the universe; all of this is in His hands.

Post Script. Housefires is the name of the band that plays at the new church I have been attending where God told me that He is doing things in Atlanta and He wants me to be a part of them. I still think that that is what He wants for my next step, but He is doing it on His time.

Unsteady and Trembling

Can I just say, it is very cold outside, and this hotel room should be warmer than it is. (That would be why I am trembling.)
But, let me get to why I am unsteady. I have been wanting to go to the Georgia Institute of Technology for about 18 years now, or at least for as long as I can remember. Both of my parents went there, and my grandfather went there, I love Atlanta, and I love the people.
However, about two months ago, David Platt came to my church and spoke, and he said something that really got my wheels turning, "Stop living like this is your home." As Christians, we know that this is not our home, this is just a temporary mission before we get to the real home for our souls. So, what we do here, other than God's will for our lives, is not nearly as important as we make it out to be. After he said this, my brain started working, as it does, and somehow, I arrived at the conclusion that I needed to go to the University of Georgia, and that Athens needed to be my mission field. Now, that freaked me out, that was so far out of my plan that I was really worried, and part of me is still not sure if that was just me arriving at my worst case scenario. I decided that Athens must be my Nineveh, and if I didn't want to be swallowed by a fish, I should start applying.
All of this thought process managed to happen from the time it took me to walk from the sanctuary to my car in the parking lot. So, for the 30 minute drive home I just prayed. I prayed, and prayed, and prayed, and cried a little, and prayed some more. I was so unsure of God's plan and I had no idea what to do. I finally just said "God, if this is what You really want, I need something to tell me that really clearly." And I got home and walked through the door, and heard a football game on, and I thought, "This is it, that is probably my dad watching the Falcons, and their colors are red and black just like Georgia's and that must be it, because football is so important to me and to where I go to college, and this must be my sign." But I walk in the living room, and no one is there, which is weird because we aren't the kind of family that just turns the TV on for background noise, we turn it on to watch something, and then we turn it off. So, the TV should not have been on. The next thing I noticed was that it was not the Falcons playing, but the Saints, whose colors are gold and white, just like Georgia Tech's.
I know this seems foolish, and like I was just seeing signs because I wanted to, but I love football, and I intend to go to every home game, wherever I go, and I had already decided that this was a sign, one way or the other, before I even walked into the room, it's the kind of things that only I would notice, and they were things that had no reason to happen just on a whim. I really do believe that this was God trying to tell me that it was ok, and that I was going in the right direction. For that whole week, I continued praying for God to show me something that really undeniably pointed me the right way.
Recently, I have been attending a new church at night, and it is the church that I will go to if I end up at Tech, and I went for the second time the sunday a week after my first thoughts of Georgia. It was Thanksgiving week, so my friends who go to the sister church in Athens joined me, and were telling me about the awesome things God is doing in Athens.
The whole beginning of the service, during worship, I just kept praying, "God, I need you to tell me if You are doing things in Atlanta that You want me to be a part of." and right after I prayed that, the guy who was preaching that night came on stage and started his sermon with "God is doing things in this city, and He wants you to be a part of them." I actually have written in my notebook from that night, "Wow, that was really clear." So, for the next few weeks, I was totally sure that Atlanta was where God wanted me, and that the Georgia Scare (as I am calling it) was just an Abraham and Isaac scenario, where He was just trying to tell me that I had made where I go to college more important than Him.
I was really sure of that until our Senior Girls Bible Study this morning, the video we watched was all about how the things of this life don't last and the treasures that we store up here are just wasting our time. This got me thinking again. (I do hate when I think). And I began wondering if I had just been pushing away God's plan for m life of what I want. This thought stuck in my head, and then I saw a weird thing happen: a devotion that I wrote for my church's Dominican Republic trip last year popped up on my recent document's list, even though I hadn't opened it in almost a year. I wet through and read the devotion, and it was all about how God has a plan, and for that plan, sometimes God calls you to do things you are uncomfortable with. That got me thinking a little more, and throughout the day, little things here and there have been making me think I should bring back up this conversation with Him about applying to Georgia.
Tonight, I went so far as to open up the Georgia application to begin looking at it. But, when I got to the web page, something felt very wrong, and it wasn't the same type of wrong I felt when thinking about going to Georgia after 18 years of loving Tech, it was something very different and weird, like nothing I have felt before, it was like I was going to be sick, and that I was just really not ok with what was happening. I promise you, I know the feeling of "I don't want to apply to Georgia" and this was not the same thing. So, now I am really confused, and really unsure, and really unsteady, and I don't know what to do.
I really don't know what God wants for me. I just keep going back to how clear it was when the pastor said exactly what I had been praying, all the same words. I was really sure then, but now I'm not so sure anymore. I guess I'll just have to wait for His timing to let me know. I probably shouldn't have prayed for patience that one time, because He seems to dole out all the more waiting when I do. I'll let you know how things go down, I just have to wait until I know first.
P.S. I find out if I got into Georgia Tech in 11 hours and 2 minutes.
P.P.S. I have yet to have a sign that really clearly pointed me in the direction of Georgia.

It's Just Four Years

Forgetfulness. It happens to all of us. But, what better time to remember than the night before a very important final?  I have to do pretty well on my Physics exam tomorrow, and I don't plan on it. Oh well, I suppose it will be ok. I suppose. 

After getting back a couple of college acceptances, and after putting way too much thought into my "advice for underclassmen" for my senior bio, I have been thinking a lot about what I would have done differently if I could go back to freshman year (thank God that I don't have to). So, here are some things I would change or tell myself if it were the first day of freshman year all over again.

1. Going to dances isn't as important as you think it is. The fun of going to a dance is really dressing up and hanging out with your friends. Going to a play, or out to a nice dinner, or just taking pictures are all equally as fun and significantly less expensive than actually going to a dance. Once you get to a dance (especially with a date) is a lot of being tired, and wishing your dress was more comfortable, or feeling awkward because you just want to party with your friends, not try and find your date for that last awkward Taylor Swift slow dance. Few people actually remember of anyone being or not begin at the dance aside form those in their group and on the court anyway. No one will miss you (and I mean that as a good thing). You won't be judged for not attending a dance because you would rather do something else, and the only way people would know is from Instagram photos, and believe me, they will probably just be happy for the one non-dance picture posted from that night. 

2. High school is not as big as it seems. When you are a freshman on your first day of school, it seems like the absolute most important thing is what everyone inside those four walls thinks of you. I'd like to tell you a secret: my school campus takes up roughly 0.000000000051579% of the Earth's surface. If that doesn't put things into perspective, maybe this will: there are about 430 people currently enrolled in the high school, there are a little more than 7 billion people in the world. That means that there are millions of other places to see and billions of other people to meet out there who do not go to your high school, and do not care that you don't look great in your uniform. Stop worrying so much about what everyone thinks of you, and start just begin yourself; you will have a lot less stress and a lot more fun. As John McLaughlin correctly stated, "Be cool, be hot, be weird, it's just four years"

3. You do not need a boyfriend to get you through high school. You just don't. No matter how many times my mother tried to shove the idea that "it's fun to just date in high school" down my throat, I never quite took it to heart, and, honestly, I'm glad that I didn't. Don't worry about the boys who you don't really want to date in high school. There is a lot to be said about the fun of just hanging out with the people you actually care about, so enjoy them, and don't mess up true friendships with dating high school. Looking at it now, the chances of actually marrying your high school sweetheart are pretty slim, and while those stories are cute and what you think you want, I hate to burst your bubble, but you most likely won't be one of them, and however high school relationships end, they tend to hurt. I'm not saying that if you want to have a close guy while you're here that the worst is going to happen to you, but if you don't have a date every Friday, don't flip out, it will be ok.

4. Just one more thing on how small high school is: the friendship selection is small, so you may have to go out of your comfort zone. I believe that there are two main factors in strong friendships: 1. Similar interests and 2. Compatible personalities. Chances are that in a small high school like mine, you are only going to find one of those features in any given person at your school. This means that you either have to put up with the people who have similar interests to yours, but drive you crazy; or you will have to try new things and be enthusiastic about things that bore you in order to be friends with the people whose personalities fit yours perfectly. For example: one of my closest friends and I have personalities that some how click, despite the fact that our interests could not be more opposite, right down to the colleges we choose to apply to... seriously, we each applied to three schools, and everyone of them had a state rivalry with the school on the other person's list. But all the same, she and I are really close; she might actually be the person who knows the most about my life. But for our friendship to stay strong, sometimes I have to show interest in cheerleading, and she has to show interest in softball. And some people are just like that. All of that to say a few different things: 1. Don't write people off just because you don't share the same interests, they may become one of your best friends. 2. Don't write people off just because they can get on your nerves, because they might share the same obsession with that extremely obscure thing that you love. And 3. When you find people who share your interests and have a compatible personality, hold them tight and don't let them go. If you can have full conversations in quotes from The Office, and can trade Harry Potter conspiracy theories back and forth, and they don't drive you crazy; these are the people that will stick with you for all four years.

5. Work hard in your classes, but don't forget to have a good balance. I can't lie to you; you should work hard to make good grades. If you will make good grades early in high school, then you are set up to get into whatever college that you want to go to. Even if you only want to go to an easy to get into community college down the road, you may change your mind in later years. But, at the same time, don't spend all of your time sitting at home studying, and don't have a break down if you didn't get the grade you wanted or forgot your homework. I was the worst about that last one freshman year, I would feel physically ill at the thought of having forgotten homework, even if there wasn't homework to forget, the mere thought of it freaked me out. If you forget a homework assignment, most teachers will let you turn it in late, while they may take a few points off, they probably won't give you a zero. Keep calm, it will be fine. Find a good balance of working on school and having fun. Don't be afraid to take some time off studying to go and try on hats at Target, or eat at Waffle House after a football game. Go out and do things, have fun while your parents are still paying for it. 

6. Try new things. Try clubs and groups and sports and anything that you can fit into your schedule. The worst that can happen is that you don't enjoy something and you know not to do it next year. Plus, begin in any club or organization for even on year looks good to most colleges. Being part of groups or clubs or teams lets you get to know new people that you would not have otherwise, and it lets you meet upperclassmen, who, for the most part, will want to help you and get to know you and have fun with you. I really loved getting to know the senior girls on the softball team my freshman year, and I equally love the freshman girls on the team this year. When you are willing to try new things you are letting people know that you are available to make friendships, and some of the unexpected ones are the best. Try a new sport; even if you sit the bench, you will have some fun. Try out for a show, if you're in the ensemble, you can spend a lot of your time at rehearsals just hanging out with the cast, and theaters kids are always really fun. Join a service club, it gives you the opportunity to help others in the community, and you might find that you really enjoy it (and the world needs more people who enjoy helping others). Join the yearbook staff, you may find that you have a back for photography or for writing, and when you get to the end of the stressful year, you get a real physical book to hold and hundreds of other people get to see what you made. 

7. Get to know your teachers. This is a lot easier to do in high school than it will be in college, your classes are small and you only have 7 teachers. Get to class before the second before the bell rings, and ask them how their day has been, or what you can do to help set up for class. In my eyes at least, there is nothing wrong with being nice to teachers, and if your grade is an 89.4 at the end of the semester, they will be more inclined to give you a boost if you have been getting to know them all the while, rather than asking for a point being the first time you speak to them outside of class. (That situation is also helped if you do all your homework and any extra refit offered, so that they see you really care about their class). 

8. Find one good place to cry and one good teacher to go to. This is geared more towards the girls. It will come one day; whether it is because the girl in the hallway gave you a nasty look, or a teacher won't help you after you have been trying to get ahold of them all week, you will feel the tears start to fill up behind your eyelids, are crying in the bathroom is just not comforting. Try and find one teacher who will let you cry in their room if you need to (preferably one of keeps tissues in their room). It is an important resource, because I have met few people who have not at one time needed to cry at school. It just happens. 

9. This is the last one, and it's one everyone has heard before, but I would like for you to know the reasons that I have for it. Be yourself. The urge to change how you act and what you like is overwhelming in high school, especially freshman year. But, to be honest, the friends that you make by changing yourself won't be the people you have fun with anyway. They won't share your interest or your personality. They will just be random people who like they like you, but if they really knew you, might not be so friendly. I'm not saying that these are bad people, but they just wouldn't be naturally drawn to you, nor you to them. You won't share things the way you would with true friends. And true friends are important in high school; it can get lonely without them. So be you, make some true friends, and treasure them. That's the best thing that I can think of to tell you. 

This has been an exceptionally long post, and I apologize for that, but I would like to leave you with one last thing: some of the lyrics from John McLaughlin's Four Year, it's a really good song that I an so glad I heard before my first day of freshman year. 

"Maybe you're in or you're out, but in the end when all of your hats are in the air, no body is going to care, so fair the wait, freshman hold on, it's only four years long."

Freshman, it flies by, you don't believe me now, but it really does seem like only a few days ago that I was worried about finding classes and what my teachers would think of me; and now I'm getting letters back from my dream schools and I'm worrying about how far away from my friends I will be. So, hold on, high school is hard, but it will be ok. 

Love Me for My Car Accidents and My Broken Hearts

I am nearing the conclusion of what has probably been the worst week of my time on this earth so far. It has not been good. I feel like Alexander, who once had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day, and I try to keep in mind that sometimes days (and weeks) like this happen, even in Australia.
I started out Saturday night wrecking my car. Let me inform you that up to that point, I had never nudged anything my car, much less had an accident. Long story short, I went to turn and then a few seconds later, my car was in about three feet of water. (In what is about to be me complaining for a while, I would like to share some very good things that happened with this accident: I was only going about ten miles per hour when I hit the water, which means that I was not thrown forward, and my airbags did not deploy. My friend Allie should have been in the car with me, but decided to ride with her mom instead. I was able to get out of my car without a scratch. A very nice man saw that accident happen, and immediately called 911 and came to help me get out of the water. The police cars that came turned right in front of a lady that I knew who saw that it was me and pulled over and gave me a ride home (which was so kind of her because I was far away from home). My friend has a weekend house in the city I was in, and her dad was able to come and be there while everything was happening. I had several shoulders available for my to cry on, and two really great friends who helped me to laugh. The policeman informed me that he was amazed my car did not flip. It was only three feet of water and not ten or twenty or more. I did not drown (I think I have mentioned before that drowning is a pretty big fear of mine. My phone, that had been thrown into my floorboard (and thus into water, where it stay for an hour and a half) came out of the bag of rice today and works perfectly. The only things that were not insured that were hurt were my GPS and my camera. Let me repeat: I was not hurt. ( I had to say that eight or ten times while i pulled soaking things out of my ruined car) All in all, God was very evident in the events that transpired that night.)
So, the first three days of my week were filled with calling the insurance company to look at my car, trying to get a rental car that I'm not even allowed to drive, crying because my first time back behind the wheel was in the biggest car I have ever driven, and the general difficulties of having to rebuild my phone and living without my hair straightener.
Then I made it to Thursday, and everything was going to be ok, until, I found out today that a guy who had been leading me one for a while now, actually has a girlfriend. So, that was a real downer. But I came to a good realization today, that I hope will bless some of you. First off: ladies, never ever change yourself for a guy, don't waste your time with his music if you don't really like it or his TV shows if they aren't actually interesting or his words if they aren't truly meaningful to you.
God has created for you a guy who will love you without you needing to change any part of yourself for him. There is someone who is going to love everything about you, all of the things that you love about yourself, and even the things you don't. He will love you for your car accidents and your broken hearts, he will love you for your mishaps and screw ups, he will love you for the person you are today and the person you were yesterday and the person you will be tomorrow. He will love you unconditionally with a Christ-like love. He will challenge your mind, he will challenge your spirit.
He will be patient and kind, he will not envy, he will not boast, he will not be proud. He will not dishonor others, he will not be self-seeking, he will not be easily angered, he will keep no record of wrongs. He will not delight in evil but will rejoice in the truth. he will always protect, always trust, always hope, and always preserver. Because the love of the guy God intended for you will never fail. So, don't waste hours watching a television show because a passing boy thinks it's funny. Instead do the things that you actually enjoy, because those are the things that a true man of God will one day love you for.
A friend of mine and I had a conversation recently about the Sexy Men Of God (or SMOG if you will) that we are looking for. She mentioned something that I have frequently found myself doing since, and it was: do you ever think of the guy you are going to marry and think "I wonder what he is doing right now?" Now you can look at that in the cute girly way that I first did, but after a bit, it started to affect my decisions. I continue thinking, "If my future husband was here, what would be his thoughts on what I am about to do? Would he approve? Would he not approve? Would he question God's choice of me as his future wife?" In all sincerity, I hope that he thinks the same thing from time to time, that he thinks of me and wonders what I am doing right now, who knows, maybe I have already seen him and just didn't know it, maybe he was the guy I passed in the grocery store parking lot, maybe he is someone who wanders on the outskirts of my life, maybe he is even a good friend, but who ever he is, I really can't wait to get to know him and see what God has in store for our lives, and how his plans and his abilities and his personality are going to fit with mine. I hope he loves me for the things I've done wrong, and I hope he loves me even more for the things I've done right.