An Open Letter to the Girl Who Took My Seat

Dear Girl,

     I know that we aren't in elementary school anymore, and we have not had assigned seats in school for eight years, BUT I have sat in that very seat you're sitting in for every day this semester so far. We have been in this class twenty two times already and twenty one of those times I have sat in that seat. So, that brings us to today, day twenty two, and to you, sitting in my unassigned assigned seat. 

     I don't think you quite know that amount of effort and decision making that went into me sitting in this seat the very first time. On the first day, I came to class an extra ten minutes early beyond the normal twenty that I usually try to get there. I carefully thought out the way that the room was set up, where the professor would stand, and where she would face when teaching the class. I thought about who would try to sit next to me and how to avoid the weirdos, and about the possibility of a friend showing up and making sure I had room for them. 

     I carefully thought out sitting next to that lefty desk that no one will want so that I could use it to put my coffee and my phone on while I take notes on my own desk. I decided to sit on the third row because that is close enough that I can see everything and pay attention, but far enough away that the professor wouldn't call on me every day of class. 

     Like I said, I know that we do not really have assigned seats. I also realize that this may be your first time coming to this class, as we do have a test next class. Maybe you just didn't know that this was my seat. Maybe you just thought that it was an incredibly perfect open seat that no one had claimed for themselves yet, but that is not the case. 

     I carefully picked this exact seat to be mine. I have sat in it everyday up to now. I know exactly how it feels to sit in it. I know exactly where to rest my arm, how to reach for my coffee, and where to look to not get called on. After all of these weeks, the things that come with sitting in this seat are automatic for me, and you have taken that away. 

     However, I know that you are a soul, jut like me, broken, and in need of saving. So, instead of giving you a death glare and maybe even confronting you about taking my seat, I will let it go and smile at you. But that is only of this once, when time comes around for our next test, if you are sitting in this seat, it's going to get real. 

Much love,

The Girl Who Cares Too Much About Where She Sits

Sometimes I get angry about silly things, I get too caught up and excited over things that don't matter. So sometimes, I have to remind myself that I am not perfect and I can't expect other people to be either. I'm broken, and so are the people who drive me crazy. We all just need a little Jesus, and not to get mad about it. 

Music III

Another song that has been replaying in my mind this semester is call A New Heart by a band called a treehouse wait (sic).

"Right by your disorientation, stands your Creator, 
He says, "I know who you are, and I'll show you the way"
And in the midst of your heartache, stands you Savior
"I am the Potter," He says, "and you are the clay"
So, let me shape you, form and create in you
A new heart
Please, let me shape you, form and create in you
A new heart
She's been anxious forever, 
She's been crying for days,
She's been waiting for You to take it away,
And You tell her You love her,
But the questions won't go,
And at midnight You whisper,
I will make you whole
...
Watch me making all things new, 
Beautiful and just for you.
I give you a heart that's just like mine
That breaks for people all the time."

I really like the second verse. I get anxious about everything, and when I'm anxious I cry. Sometimes I don't even know why I'm anxious. It just happens, and I love the line "at midnight You whisper 'I will make you whole'" because that's always how it feels when I find peace from the Lord, it's a whisper when I'm at my lowest. I also really love "and You tell her You love her, but the questions won't go" because even in the constant reminders of the Lord telling me that He loves me and is going to do what's best for me I am still bombarded with questions that I can't answer. But it really finally gets me when she says "watch me making all things new, beautiful and just for you." It reminds me of the song Beautiful Things by Gungor, heck, it reminds me of the whole gospel, the Lord taking broken things and turning them into something beautiful, and then giving us the want to bring other broken people to Him so that He can make them beautiful too. "I give you a heart that's just like mine, that breaks for people all the time."

Another song by A treehouse wait (sic) that I really love is the song Someone is Dancing

"Someone is dancing,
Lord is it you?
Someone is singing
A song I once knew
It speaks of a promise
Whatever may come
I'm in the arms of my Lord. 

There I stop turning, 
Staring at me
And my wounds are hurting 

For what I have been
In whose arms will I be kept 

When I've burnt every bridge
In none but the arms of my lord

Nothing is certain, 

Colors will fade
Summer goes autumn 

And autumn turns gray
Play then your violins 

That tell me of spring
When I am at home with you lord."

I'm not really sure that I can explain why I love this song. It just really speaks to my heart. The song is slow and quiet, it is sweet and comforting. It sounds like what it feels like to be in the arms of the Lord. 

Lastly is a song called You of All Friends

"To you of all friends

I look back and think 'bout

how our roads have changed

And how our lives turned out

So different

From what we had planned out or thought

While I saw the sky in million colors

It all caught my eyes

and you took the blame and believed all the lies

That people had told you must be the truth

So I took your heart and held it

oh I took your heart and held it close

I held it close

Your heart turned to stone

When nothing But actions without love was shown

Wherever you went there were people who spoke

Of one thing then did the complete opposite

You needed to know why God had ran off and just left you alone

But there was no room to ask questions that dumb

So you went away to be strong by yourself

So I took your heart and held it

oh I took your heart and held it close

I held it close

How low can you go?

How weak can one be

Without crashing completely?

Why should i play the songs in major?

I can Never be your saviour

I can never give you any life

But like oranges and how you peel them

He can take your wounds and heal them

He can take your broken pieces

Make it to a heart that breathes

In and out and out and in"

I like this song because I relate to both the girl singing and the friend that she sings about, at different times in my life, heck, at different times today, sometimes even at the same time, I am both of these people. 

I see the sky in a million colors and I follow what others have told em must be the truth.

I've needed to know why God had just left me alone, and at the same time, I've known how incorrect that question is. 

I love the line "He can take your words and heal them, He can take your broken pieces, make it to a heart that breathes", I like it especially when I don't just feel like I have broken pieces, I feel like I am broken pieces. But the Lord is consistent in taking broken me and putting me back together into a heart that looks more like His. 

This all brings me to one idea, the Lord sometimes works in me by taking my heart and letting it break in to pieces so that He can form in me a new heart that looks much more like Him and that continues to break, but starts breaking for better reasons. Rather than breaking for the hurt that I inadvertently cause myself, it begins to break instead for the lack of love and the broken hearts of other people. I break for people all the time.